Light's Christmas Carol
by BiancaFef
Summary: After L's death, Light might have a second chance to be happy with his favourite raven-haired detective... will he capture it? R&R!  rated just to be safe, still don't know how will it turn out to be
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! I know, this story should have been published in December, not in September, but... I had to help my brother with some English literature homework, and I found myself reading "Dubliners" by James Joyce for the second time and "A Christmas carol" by Dickens for the... uhm... 42nd time? (I've always liked that tale!) And I realized that I've written at least one "Christmas carol style" story every year, featuring my friends, teachers, family, Harry Potter characters... and now, I realized, it's high time I wrote a Death note's Christmas carol! ANd so, here it is... for the ones who had read the books (uhm, for the ones who virtually know them by heart, as I do), you'll found that there are, let's say heavy quotes from the originals, especially in the beginning and I guess at the end of the story. Ok, let's say I made "copy and paste" with one sentence or two I especially liked and rearranged them to suit my Death Note plot... so, uhm... on to the story!_

_Disclaimer: Most of this belongs to Charles Dickens, Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, God bless 'em all. Some inspiration coming from Joyce. Me own plot only!_

_... enjoy!_

**Chapter 1:**

L was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by Light's father, Matsuda, Mogi, Aizawa... Light himself signed it. That was for sure: L was as dead as a door-nail.

(Oh, well, I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I, by myself, might have regarded... dunno, a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of Charles Dickens is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it)

You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that L was as dead as a door-nail.

Did Light know he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Light had been L's only friend, as L himself had told once. And L had been Light's only... well, his only lover. And even though you could think that Light should have been dreadfully cut up because of the demise of his lover, he wasn't indeed. He was _responsible_ for that, actually.

Anyway, he had managed to restrain his satisfaction and hold his smirk back at L's funeral, looking in the eyes of everyone the perfect boy he had always been, mourning for his dear friend and co-worker L.

The mention of L's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that L was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come from the story I am going to tell.

You know, if we were not perfectly convinced that the creepy girl from The Ring died before the movie began, there would be nothing more remarkable in her calling people on the phone, than there would be in any other young girl cheerfully announcing you that you're going to die in seven days!

But to come back to our story: L was dead.

And even though he had been dead for three years by then, Light still used his gothic capital L as his symbol. He had started playing the role of the "new L" after L's death, leading the investigations on the Kira case. Sometimes people new to the investigation called Light "Light", and sometimes "L", but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.

...

That night, Light was particularly tired. He massaged his temples with his forefingers, trying to soothe his throbbing headache. He looked up at the time on his laptop's screen: 11.30 pm.

He vaguely remembered that Misa was waiting for him to celebrate Christmas' Eve togheter. What Misa found in Christmas, Light did not know. But as many other Japanese, she liked to celebrate it. What people found in that useless festivity, Light still had to find out.

Anyway, he was the last member of the task force at work, it was late, he was dead tired, and he could afford to go home by now.

Truth to be told, he sometimes found himself wondering why did he put such an effort in the task of catching, uhm... himself.

It was just out of habit, he supposed. He had not been Kira for much longer than he had been trying to capture him, after all.

He put on his jacket and gloves and scarf, to protect himself from the biting wintry air, and got out.

Outside, the air was frosty and damp and forewarned snow. Light put his hood on and blew on his hands to warm them, but he found that external heat and cold had little influence on him. No warmth could warm, nor wintry weather could chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than him, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. Foul weather didn't know where to have him. The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect: their coldness would have one day been lessened by the warm rays of sun, while Light's cold heart never will.

…

He walked hastily past a group of people advertising some Christmas special discounts in a mall.

"Bullshit" He thought.

He was glad he had stayed late at work, so that he had avoided Misa's usual stupid Christmas chick flick, with all that lovey dovey shit.

He caught a bus and sat in the last seats as he was used to, though it was empty. While the bus drove through the desert streets he glanced at the city's lights. They said New York was the city of blinding lights, but Tokyo was nothing less, he thought.

When he finally reached the apartment he was sharing with Misa, he pull off his jacket and tossed his gloves and scarf somewhere. He was usually very tidy, but now he was exhausted. He just wanted to go to bed.

He reached their bedroom and sat quitly on the edge of the bed, trying not to wake Misa up. Not out of kindness to be honest, but more out of the desire not to have to deal with her pointless complaints about he always coming home late.

He was about to take his socks off, when he heard a strange noise coming from the door. Just like... a knock. But who the hell could possibly be knocking at his bedroom door, that time in the night? Anyway, Light got up and walked closer to the half closed door.

He peaked through the small opening, and he saw it.

Or better yet, _him_.

He was standing there, just a few inches away from Light, and the younger boy's heart leapt and stopped beating for a second.

_L's face_. It was not in impenetrable shadow as the other objects in the living room were, but had a dismal light around him, like a mirror in a dark room. He didn't look nor sad nor happy nor angry, but he just stared at Light as L used to stare: with his deep dark pupils widened, half covered by a few ebony locks. His hair looked even messier than Light could remember, and his eyes, though wide open, were perfectly motionless.

Light flinched and took a step back. To say that he was not stratled, or that his blood was not feeling like melted ice in his veins, would be untrue. Anyway, he reacted by instinct and shut the door closed, then locked it, and then locked it again, twice: and only when the door was secured, he started to breath again.

_That's strange, how L always succeds in making me forget that I do need oxygen... one way or another. _Light couldn't help thinking.

He took a deep breath and heard the sound of Misa shifting under the sheets. He didn't want her to wake up.

He swallowed and tried to calm himself down, then sat back on the edge of the bed.

_I'm tired, dead tired, that's it. This is just a dirty trick from my stressed mind. _He told himself.

He lay on the bed, and closed his eyes, trying to force himself into sleep.

Well, he found out that this was far easier said than done.

He eventually opened his eyes and started staring at the pictures on wall. It was dark in the room and he could not tell one face from the other, yet if he had had the power to shape some picture from the disjointed fragments of his thoughts, there would have been a copy of L's staring face on each one.

"Bullshit", he told himself again, and turned himself on the other side.

He turned himself a few times, but he was still perfectly awake. Then he sat on the bed again, moving a lock of light brown hair away from his forehead. His glance happened to rest on a bright red apple he kept on the nightstand for Ryuk.

_Once dead, humans can never come back to life. _The god of death had once told him.

Suddenly, he heard a strange noise coming from the living room, as if a person was dragging a heavy chain on the floor; Light remebered that ghosts were often described in movies and books as dragging chains. Misa didn't seem to hear the noise. Light stared at the bedroom door, his mouth dry.

And then, he saw it: the door handle being pushed down, the door slowly opening. But he was sure... he had locked the door...

And he saw it, that face... that very same face... Light fought to keep breathing while clenching his hands on the sheets.

The ghost was standing right in front of him- because it was a ghost, what else could he be? He was even transparent... Light could see the door behind him...

Light froze and he felt like the temperature of the room had suddenly decreased, like those black, death-cold eyes were freezing the blood in his very veins, keeping his aching heart form working properly, for more than one reason.

- E-el...

He stammered.

- W-why are you... w-what do you...

He managed to articulate, but then the words died in his throat.

L didn't speak, just stared at Light without even blinking, his messy hair waved by a non existent breeze.

- ...w-what do you want f-from me?

Light finally managed to ask, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

- Much,

The ghost answered.

Light tried to fought his senses, but that was L's voice, indeed. He would have recognized it between thousands.

- I want much from you... _my light_.

Light's whole body started shaking at once, twitching from both the instinct to run away from that scary presence and to jump on him and shut that daring mouth of his with his own.

- What's up, Light-kun? You don't believe your senses?

The spirit mocked him.

- I-I...

To Light, speaking seemed an impossible hard task by now. L's ghostly voice disturbed the very marrow of his bones, his wide eyes seemed to see much more deep down that pretty face of his.

- Look at me, Light.

Light kept trembling, trying to avert his gaze from L's spectre. The sight was simply too much for him to take.

- Look at me.

- I-I am.

- You're not.

Light forced himself to lift his gaze and meet L's eyes. It had been years since they last locked their eyes like that, and it was like something inside Light broke when they did it.

- Do you believe in me?

The ghost asked.

- Yes... yes, I do.

It was not completely true, but there was something about the spirit that drove Light crazy, and made him feel like nothing else in the world mattered, but being close to him. And that was an effect only one persone had ever had on Light: L.

- You know, my light,

The ghost said, and Light started thinking that he was calling him that way on purpose, to tease him.

- The soul within a man's body is required to walk among his fellows while he's alive... to deal with them, to teach them and to learn from them. And if the soul goes not forth enough in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through this world, and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness...

Light didn't understand completely the meaning of L's words.

- You see, spirits are bound to wear the chain they had forged themselves in life, link by link, day by day.

_The sound of drigging chains..._ But Light could see no chains around L.

- Of course you can't see it,

L said, as if he had read Light's mind.

- Neither you can see the chain you are making for yourself. It was already as long and heavy as mine, three years ago... guess what a ponderous chain is it, by now!

Light didn't answer, but kept trembling and trembling.

- Actually, I'm surpised that you can see _me_, now...

While saying this, the ghost lowered his voice and moved closer to Light, his deathly breath was now tickling Light's bare neck.

- You don't usually see me, but I often sit next to you...

His voice was nothing more than a whisper now, and it made Light shudder.

- But I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere.

L kept saying, now with the usual tone, suddely a few steps far from Light.

L's voice was drinving Light crazy.

- Why are you here L, why, what do you want from me?

Light found the presence of mind to ask, pain and fear and regret in his voice.

- I don't want anything from you, Light... nothing you could give me, at least.

- So leave me alone... leave me alone!

Light fought not to cry.

- Don't you understand that everytime you do like this, that you come to visit me in my dreams and then you vanish in the morning like a plume of smoke, you make it harder for me to forget and to keep on living my life and... I just can't go on like this, I can't...

- Shut up and listen to me Light... my time is nearly gone.

Light managed to calm down his nerves and listened.

- I'm here to help you. I don't know if you deserve help from anyone, but... this wasn't my decision. I'm only a spokesman.

Light was listening closely to the spirit.

- You've made a mistake, a big mistake in your life, and now, you'll be given a second chance... you see, Light, this is a thing that not every one has the luck to receive... now, why is this rare gift going to be bestowed upon you, it is far from my comprehension. Anyway, I've been sent here to tell you that you will receive the visit of three spirits. And you will listen closely to them, is that clear?

- Oh, so much as three ghosts, just for me, L? Couldn't I take 'em all in once and have it over quickly?

Light tried to joke, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but L remained expressionless.

- Expect them later, tonight.

And then L made to turn himself towards the door, but his eyes wandered over Light a few seconds more.

- If you do it right, Light, you could have the chance to save us... both.

He added.

And then, before Light could even pronounce the "No" in "No, please, wait!", he was gone.

Faded into the darkness of the room, gone somewhere Light was not supposed to know, every hint of his presence lingering to Light's mind as if he was trying to keep a small part of L in his own soul.

...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Light took an uncertain step towards the door. It must have been a dream, it couldn't be true...

The door was still locked, exactly as Light had left it.

He drew in a deep breath and repeated himself that it must have been just a dream. The door was perfectly locked, he had locked him with his very hands. No one had entered the room. Ghosts didn't exist.

They just DIDN'T.

Anyway, he tried to say ``Just bullshit!'' but stopped at the first syllable.

He sat down on his bed, and lay there, still fully dressed apart from his shoes.

He tried to listen to Misa's even breath to calm himself down, but he had always found that sound more annoying than anything.

After a few minutes, the weariness had the better of him and he eventually fell asleep, his sleep tormented by that familiar voice, that face, that scent that always haunted his dreams.

…

When Light woke up, it was all dark around him. He blinked a few times trying to focus on something in the surrounding room. He used to shut the window so that not even a gleam of light passed through it, but usually, he could at least distinguish the transparent window from the opaque walls af his room. Now, he hardly could.

It took a minute for him to understand that he was wrapped under a heavy blanket: that was why he couldn't see anything. He also felt that the room was far warmer than how he could remember it: a pleasant heat that got into his skin bones-deep, coddling both his body and his soul.

Eventually, he emerged from the blanket and found that the bed was empty. Maybe Misa had got up already... weird, though, it looked like it was still late night.

Light glanced at his alarm clock. It was 11.45 pm.

_Wait... 11.45 pm?_

How could it be 11.45 pm? He clearly remebered that he hadn't even caught the bus at 11.45! The clock must have been broken...

His eyes wandered through the dark room, and he started realizing that there was something wrong with it, but he couldn't exactly figure out what it was. He could have just turned the lights on and dicovered it, but for some unexplicable reason he didn't feel like doing it.

And for a similar unexplicable reason, he had the feeling that he should have waited until midnight for something to happen. He didn't know exactly why midnight: maybe because in the stories, weird events always took place at midnight.

So, he decided to lie awake and wait until midnight: he set the alarm clock, just in case he had fallen asleep.

...

The quarter of hour which separated him from midnight was so long, Light sometimes checked the clock thinking that he must have dozed off and missed the alarm.

But now, he wasn't tired at all, his mind working feverishly: he would have more likely gone to Heaven or Hell than to sleep.

Light thought about what had happend before, he thought about it over and over, but he could make nothing of it. The more he thought, the more perplexed he was; and the more he tried hard not to think, the more he thought L's ghost bothered him exceedingly. Every time he resolved within himself, after mature inquiry, that it had been all a dream, his mind flew back, like a strong spring released, to its first position, and presented the same problem to be worked all through, ``Was it a dream or not?''

And then, the alarm rang. Light sat up immediately, startled by the unfamiliar sound. Or better yet, it had been a familiar sound... three years before!

Light hadn't the time to think it through, because a hand, _a hand_ I say, took the alarm clock away from Light's.

It was a very pale, feminine hand, and Light, stunned, looked up to see the owner of the above mentioned hand.

He found himsefl virtually face to face with the unearthly visitor, as close to it as I am now to you, and I am standing in the spirit at your elbow.

It was a strange figure, more of a child than of a woman, wearing the purest white tunic, almost as if it wasn't made of fabric but of sheer light.

There was a sort of glitter, a sparkle on her skin, one could describe it as the way stupid Twilight's vampires use to sparkle: but differently from them, this sparkle was not still bur rather moving... it glittered on an arm first, then on the other, then on one leg, the other, both legs... it was like it was something alive... no, it was like the figure was made up of very tiny, microscopic little gold triangles which was rolling and twirling all over her body. Something absurd but fascinating at the same time...

- W-who... who are you?

Light managed to ask.

- I am the Ghost of Christmas past.

The spirit answered, her voice soft and barely audible, as if it were at a distance.

Light looked more closely to the spirit, and he startled. He opened his mouth as to say something, but the words didn't come out.

The spirit was still smiling softly at him.

- Yes, Light. It's me.

Light's eyes widened: was the spirit able to read his thoughts? He wanted to look up, but he didn't dare to look her into her eyes, and, moreover, he was still fascinated by the golden sparkle of her skin.

- There is nothing wrong if you are marveled by me, Light Yagami. I come from a world that is not yours to see... not yet, at least.

Light forced a faint smile and glanced at the dark haired woman's eyes.

- S-so... you're the Ghost of Christmas past.

- Of _your_ past, Light.

Every time she said his name, he felt like a shiver in his spine. What was it? How did they call that sensation...?

- They call it "regret" Light, I think. But nevermind, we're not here to talk about that, now.

He bit down his lower lip as he used to do when he was nervous or worried about something... there was only one person that had noticed this particular tic of his.

- Come on, Light, rise and shine!

The spirit said smiling at him, offering him her hand.

He got up, but didn't touch her sparkling hand.

- Quick Light, I haven't got much time, and there is something I want to show you.

Light didn't dare to disobey the ghost, so he followed her. She leaned forward to turn the lights on, and Light blinked twice to get accustomed to the bright light.

His heart lept up when he recognized the room.

- Do you recollect it, Light?

Light felt like a lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking, but managed to put togheter a decent answer.

- Recollect it? I could tell every object and piece of furniture in this room even if I was blindfolded...

It was the room he used to share with L. The room they had shared for months while they were chained togheter and then again secretly when Light had finally been released.

Every. Single. Inch. Every single inch was a stab deep down in Light's heart. The bright red curtains which used to be the first thing he saw when he woke up at morning, the two big pillows he used to hug both when he was alone in the bed and L had gone working. The soft carpet which allowed him to walk around shoesless all day on Sunday, when the task force had gone home and he and L finally had some time for themselves.

Light's gaze dwelled upon every inch of the room, every object, every colour, every fabric, every small detail, as if he was trying to fix them all in his mind forever.

He had waited so long to see that room again, and thought that he would never, and now, he was there...

- We need to move on Light... there's something else I want to show you.

Light was like enchanted by the room, and the spirit had to tug his arm to take him back to reality.

- Follow me, boy.

She held his shaky hands and led him in the hallway, then in the elevator, down to the floor where they used to work.

They entered a dimly lit room, and there he stood... bent on something Light guessed was his laptop.

- No, Light, that's not his laptop. Not tonight.

Light couldn't help but trying to get closer to him, but then he stopped and looked back at the spirit with questioning eyes.

- He has no consciousness of us.

The spirit explained him.

Light nodded. He would have liked him to have consciousness of them. He would have liked to tell him... things, things he had been thinking over and over for the past three years.

Anyway, he instinctively stepped closer to the figure, his steps uncertain, his knees felt so weak he was afraid they could have failed from one moment to the next.

L was intent upon a small box, apparently packing something. He was putting such a care in his task, one would have said that it must had been something of vital importance.

Light leaned further forward and he saw that L was handling and wrapping up a small box in a bright red paper.

- What is it?

He asked the ghost.

- Mmh... looks like a present, to me.

- Yes, I know it, I mean... is it a present to whom?

- How am I supposed to know that?

- You... you're a spirit! You're supposed to... to just know things.

Light muttered.

The ghost smiled softly.

- Lean forward. Don't worry, he cannot see nor hear you.

_Not that Light was that glad he couldn't._

- You know to whom that present will be.

The ghost added. Light did as he was told, and when he was very close to L, he understood.

- Oh.

He just said.

- Oh...

The ghost echoed him softly, a kind of sad smile in her voice.

Light tried to get a hold on himself and asked:

- Why... why are you showing me this?

The ghost didn't answer.

In the meanwhile, ignoring the fact that L couldn't clearly sense his presence, Light had leaned even closer to the detective, sitting on the floor just next to where L was sitting.

He had moved his nose not farer than a couple of inches away from L's hair, discovering that even though L was unable to sense him, Light instead could not only see him, but also feeling the heat coming from his body, the scent of his shampoo on his dark hair.

Before the spirit could interrupt him, Light put his hand on L's neck, just beneath the hairline, and start gently rubbing his fingers on the detective's sensitive skin.

Of course, L didn't even flinch at the touch he wasn't actually feeling.

After a minute or so, Light felt the spirit's questioning eyes on him.

- I know he cannot feel it.

He explained.

- But... I think that... I don't know, maybe somewhere... somewhere deep inside his soul he might be feeling something... he might have the weird feeling that he's not alone here, you know? It sometimes happens that you have like a feeling, a sensation which is not linked to anything really happening around you, anything _material_...

The spirit only looked at him without speaking, a tenderness in her eyes that was undoubtedly not well placed, given what Light... what he had done to her.

- And, besides...

Light was still speaking,

- _I do_ feel it...

The ghost stepped closer to him and gently put a hand on his shoulder.

- Let us go on, Light. My time is running out... we have to move on.

Light shook his head worriedly.

- No. No, leave me here. I'm staying here.

- He won't ever be able to sense your presence, Light.

- I know, I know, but... I will. Please... leave me here.

- Follow me boy, your way is still long before you can rest...

That said, the ghost put her golden hand on Light's arm, and before Light could inhale L's scent for the last time, they were gone.

Light tried to catch hold of the figure in front of him, but it faded as it was made of smoke, and the setting around them changed quickly.

Light found himself in a badly lit room, looked like a teen age bedroom.

- Where are we?

- You don't recognize the place?

As soon as Light got used to the darkness, he did recognized it.

- Why here?

The spirit didn't answer, like she often did.

And then the lights were turned on, and a young boy entered the room.

- Holy shit...

Light mumbled.

- That's... that is _me_...

Light looked closely at his younger self.

The boy sat down on his desk, opened a book and his pen case and started putting all the pens and pencils and highlighters in a row.

Light smiled, feeling a lump in his throat.

- A-I... I always did that... I prepared all the things I might need before starting to sudy, you know, I used to be... very tidy, very precise...

- Mmh,... I see...

- I was... studying for the Todai admission test then...

Light said, and the lump in his throat grew larger and larger as he remebered who he met on that test.

But then his former self pushed his books asides, and opened the first drawer of his desk.

The one in which he used to keep his Death Note... but he hadn't found it yet, at that time.

Instead, there was one of Sayu's notebooks. The younger Light opened it and started checking through her sister's homework, adding some notes and corrections here and there.

- What a good brother were you...

The spirit commented.

- You took care of your sister even before studying for your own test.

Light shrugged his shoulders.

- You know, checking Sayu's homework only took me a... a few minutes.

He said, his voice faltering.

- What's going on with you, Light?

Light shrugged his shoulders again, and shook his head too, to emphasize it.

- Nothing... it's just all... weird, you know.

- Well, I've never... experienced something like this, to be honest.

Light remained silent and still for a minute or so.

He clearly felt his eyes getting wet, and couldn't help it, since he was feeling like something heavy had fallen on his heart, squeezing it as it was a sponge, and giving a freer passage to his tears.

He tried to get a hold on himself and looked at the spirit. She should be able to read his thoughts, but now she looked puzzled. Maybe she didn't know exactly what was going on with him because Light himself didn't know it.

- I-I don't know...

He justified himself, wiping a couple of tears away with the back of his hand, pretending to be just moving a light brown lock away from his eyes.

- It's just... so weird. F-five... five years have passed since then and... they... feel like five hundreds to me...

He commented.

He watched his younger and forgotten self as he walked out the room, probably heading to Sayu's room.

So cheerful, so light-hearted. No one real concern in the world was lying heavy on his shoulders. Well, actually, he wasn't exactly what you would describe as a "cheerful" teen ager. He was rather reserved and pondering, instead, he had always felt bored by the world around him.

But you know, looking back at all of this with hindsight, he undersood that he had no real problems or concerns at that time. He had his whole life still waiting for him, he had every chance in the world.

He hadn't got the Death Note...

- It's time to go, Light... you've seen what the people who rule me wanted you to see.

- But...

- Come on, Light. You cannot go back to this. It's gone...

- Yeah... yes. I know.

He knew he couldn't but yet he wanted to come back so badly...

But the spirit took no pity on him, or couldn't really help him, and grabbed his arm while everything around him slowly faded away, and Light felt like a dark cloak had fallen onto them, until he finally started seeing a gleam of light again.

- Why still here?

He asked the spirit, when he realized he was in L's room again. Not that he was complaining about that.

- I'm leaving you here,

She said, and Light's heart pounded in his chest at the thought he would have been allowed to stay there.

-... until the next ghost comes and pick you up.

_Oh life... one moment brings you so high, and the moment later it roughly pulls you back to the ground again._

Light sat sadly on the edge of the bed.

- It's time to say goodbye, Light Yagami.

Light nodded slightly, looking at his own feet.

- Your journey is not finished yet, boy.

Light was fidgeting and biting his lip, as the ghost just looked at him with a motherly affection.

And somewhere deep inside himself, Light had the desire to punch her on the nose, because why the hell did she have to be so fucking compassionate with him?

- My time has come, Light. I must go now. Take care of yourself...

Light lifted his eyes, just in time to see the ghost slowly vanishing in a flash of gold, while suddenly all the lights in the room were turned off.

- No, Naomi, wait, I'm...

He was trying to say, but she was gone already; only a few small drops of gold stood where the girl used to be.

- … I'm sorry...

Light mumbled, only an empty room to hear him. It was too late now.

It was one of his distinguishing feature, he thought. Always understanding things a little too late.

…

He curled up on the king sized bed, nuzzling up against the warm sheets and pillows, realizing that they still smelled of L.

Somewhere deep inside he knew this was going to be over soon, but he wanted to take the most of it he could before it faded away.

Everything he had done... he had done it for a higher purpose.

He had done it to help the world becoming a better place.

Yet you know, it was bloody easy for Gods, they lived forever... but he... he had been given just this short life... and what if he had wasted it?

He nuzzled up more close against the pillow and hugged it as it was a human being, closing his eyes and... kind of praying.

He didn't believe in any deity in particular, he just hoped that there were someone... anyone up there listening to him.

- Please, make me stay...

He prayed.

- Make me stay and wake up tomorrow and nothing, nothing in...

He held back a sob and bit his lip so hard he drew blood from it.

- Nothing in the past three years has happened... please...

He whispered in the dark, slowly falling into unconsciousness.

His last thought was the feeling of L's skin and hair under his trembling fingertips... and then he was asleep.

...

_A/N: poor Naomi... :(_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Awakening in the middle of the night and sitting up in the bed to put his thoughts togheter, Light had had no occasion to aknowledge what time it were. He simply had the _feeling_ that he had been waken up in the very nick of time to meet the second spirit.

He checked the time on his alarm clock and that detail alone made him understand that something had changed since when he had fallen asleep.

The clock on the nightstand was not the same. Nor the bed was the same. Nor the room.

In fact, he was back to his and Misa's room. Fortunately, there was no trace of the girl.

It was exactly 11.45 pm, December 24, 2008; according to his clock at least.

So... he had been brought back to the present. He took in a deep breath, trying to deal with the fact that the past (his favourite time af all) had gone forever.

He made the resolution to lie there, awake, and wait for midnight to come.

He started feeling nervous, but it wasn't because he was waiting for a ghost to haunt him, but rather because of what the previous ghost had shown him.

But it didn't matter how many times had he found himself dreaming about L... about what could have been but hadn't: he couldn't force himself to think that he had been wrong.

A part of him knew that he had made a mistake. But still, he thought that it was a necessary mistake. If he hadn't killed L... if he hadn't, L would never ever have given up. Not until he had caught Kira.

Light thought that L wouldn't have taken pity on him because he was him... he knew he wouldn't. He would have simply sent him to prison and let him be sentenced to death. And waited there until the last breath had exhaled from his dead body.

Oh, Light knew so damn well that L would have done exactly that. It didn't matter how much Light hoped that he wouldn't... he would. Light knew that, to L, he had always been Kira so much more than he had been Light.

So, what was Light supposed to do? Wait there until L had finally found a damning evidence of he being Kira? Wait there until he had sent him to death?

And moreover, he had thought about it at least... two bilions of time: whether his perspective was right or L's was; and, above all, whether it was worth sacrificing his only love to the purpose of building a better world.

But L... Light was sure he had never even considered the chance that Light's ideal of justice were the right one. And, above all, L had surely never considered to sacrifice his ideals for the person he loved.

So, it was all L's fault after all.

He didn't deserve any better than what he had received.

...

While he was thinking about that, Light realized that it was five past twelve already... and nothing had happened.

Now, being prepared for almost anything to happen, Light was not by any means prepared for nothing: consequently, he started being even more nervouse than he was before.

Truth to be told, something weird actually did happen in the past five minutes, but Light was so absorbed in his thoughts he had barely noticed it.

"It" was a soft halo of light coming from his bedroom door, suggesting that someone had turned the lights on in the living room.

When Light did eventually notice that, he wisely decided to go and check what the source of the above mentioned light was.

He reached the door and opened it, only to be overwhelmed by a blinding light. As soon as his eyes got used to it, he focused on a figure sitting on his couch.

- Come on, Yagami boy, I won't bite you.

There was a kind of mockery tone in the female voice... a familiar voice...

Light took a few steps closer and startled when he saw her.

- W-wedy?

- Oh, you can call me Merry, sweetheart. We both know you know my real name... don't you?

Light choked and thought about something to reply, but he didn't really know what. He had simply forgotten Wedy's real name about a minute later having written it down on the Death Note.

- Oh, that's very kind of you, you little brat. Think that there are people even HAUNTED by the names and faces of the people they killed... you, instead... you don't even _remember_ their name!

- A-I... I've always thought of you as "Wedy"...

- Light was awkwardly trying to justify himself, but he realized that the conversation was kind of... surreal.

- Oh, cut it out! I'm not here to talk about that. But come on, come closer...

The woman beckoned him, and he oblidged

Wedy was wearing a bright green dress which looked like... alive, just as much as Naomi's skin did. But the most weird thing about her weren't the dress nor the skin, but the _hair_... her hair was a very light shade of blonde, not very much different from platinum. And the ends of the hair... they were... sort of lit up... kind of glowing and phosphoric... and they_ moved_...

Have you seen the movie Avatar? Well, if you have, the ends od Wedy's hair looked much like the Na'vi's sacred tree's leaves or like the end of Na'vi's braids.

Anyway, Light was now so close to Wedy he could distinguish every small change in Wedy's living hair.

- Well, Naomi told me you had developed terrible eye bags, but God, I didn't think they were so bad!

Wedy said, lifting Light's chin to check his face better.

- Anyway, come on now, we haven't got the all night! We must go!

- May I ask you... where?

- Oh, you'll discover it... soon. Grab my clothes now.

Light hesitated and Wedy roughly pulled his arm closer to her.

- I thought I had already told you I don't bite!

She snapped.

- Oh... come on.

She added, in a more soothing tone, maybe trying to reassure him and to gain his trust.

While Light was hanging on her sleeve, waiting for the sorrounding world to slowly disappear, she added:

- Have I told you that I'm the Ghost of Christmas present already, haven't I?

And then Light saw nothing but dark.

….

The furniture of his modern living room was quickly replaced with an open-air landscape.

The snow was falling and covering everything with a thick layer of white, which muffled every sound, creating an atmosphere of coziness.

- Where are we?

Light asked.

- Questions, always questions! Couldn't you shut up and look around once in while?

Light seemed offended, and Wedy added:

- You must know this place.

Light had a better look at the place and started recognizing a few things, until he understood.

Not that there was much to be mistaken: crosses, tombstones, graves everywhere.

They weren't at a fairground, of course.

The wrost thing was that Light recognized very well in which cemetery Wedy had taken him. He had come to this place many and many times after... after that day.

But fortunately, Wedy didn't seem intentioned to mention that. Fortunately, because Light didn't know if he could take that now. He didn't even dare to ask why were they here.

Wedy made him walk up and down the well-known paths for a while, before he finally asked:

- Why don't I feel the cold? I'm walking on icy snow with my bare feet and it feels like a warm lawn...

- That's because you're not really here now... I mean, you're not here with your body, but only in spirit.

That didn't make much sense to him, especially because with the last ghost, he could feel every physical sensation.

Anyway, they evetually walked into a young woman sitting on a bench, not far from a little tombstone.

Wedy stopped there.

- Why did we stopped?

He asked.

- I used to know her.

She replied.

Then the spirit walked closer to the tombstone and bent down on the few withered flower which stood there. She laid her hand upon them, and they suddenly blossomed again, as if reborn.

Light smiled slightly at this.

- That's... that's a very pretty trick.

Wedy shrugged her shoulders and sat next to the tomb. After a minute, Light joined her and sat down next to her. To be honest, he was trying to avoid the woman sitting on the bench, avoid her continuous sobbing and whimpering and whining...

Light read quickly the name on the tomb. And the dates of birth and death. He just put two and two togheter and, with a faltering voice, he stated:

- God... she was only ten when she died...

- Very sharp indeed, Light.

Wedy replied cynically.

- Why did you take me here?

- Uhm? I didn't take _you_ here. I just saw her mother and I knew her, so I stopped here. Do you mind?

- Oh... no, no. Of course.

They simply sat there silently for a while.

- I'm... really sorry for her mother.

Light eventually said.

- Oh... so am I.

- I think...

Light went on.

- I think that the love of a mother is the deepest... the purest form of love that is there... don't you think?

Wedy shrugged again.

- I guess so.

- Have you ever... uhm...

- What? Been a mother?

- Yes.

- No... no, I haven't had children.

She smiled sadly, for the first time Light saw a glimpse of real humanity in her eyes.

- I was... thinkin about that, you know? Someone would say it was my biological clock ticking. Anyway... I haven't had children in the end.

- Why?

Wedy smiled again and shook her head, then looked deeply in Light's eyes.

- I hadn't got the time, Light.

Light felt like a flash of comprehension running through his mind, and opened his mouth as to say something, but then closed it again.

Silence fell upon them for another couple of minutes, and then Wedy spoke again:

- I think you're right, anyway: the love of a mother must be the greatest one... because, you know... it's for free. A mother doesn't love because she expects something in return, she just... love.

Light nodded.

- Me, for myself... I have never experienced such a feeling.

She went on.

- Though I...

Her eyes were wet by now.

- I have... thought about it. Dreamt about it. Dreamt to find the love of my life... when I was a little girl, I mean. But... I don't know. It just... didn't happen. I have... I've had sex with many, but love...

She shook her head.

- Love, never. And trust me, Light,

She stared into his pretty eyes to give emphasis to her words.

- If I could only come back... I would have...

She was interrupted by a sob.

- I would have tried my best to experience true love even just once, before...

She wiped a tear away from her cheek, and sobbed again. Then tried to fake a smile and added:

- But you know, there's a good side in everything. You know, if I had had a... a family, children, a husband... you know, if I had died so suddenly, without notice... I would have despaired... thinking that I hadn't even told them "goodbye" or "I love you" one last time. But luckily... I had no one to say goodbye to.

And then she faked another smile.

Light didn't dare looking up to her.

- Anyway, you know Light... maybe not every one on whom you've laid your benevolent hand have had the same luck as I had... unfortunately.

Light said nothing.

- If I could come back...

He added, but the words died in his throat. He read the name of the girl again, over and over.

- I wish I knew who's responsible for her death. I would...

He said, thinking of his Death Note.

- Oh, she died from leukaemia. No one's responsible for that.

Wedy said.

- And there is nothing you could do about it... unless you have the power to heal white blood cells, of course.

Light shook his head.

- Oh... no. No, I haven't such a power.

- Anyway, she's bald in the picture on her tomb, you know, I expected you to guess that she had suffered from some form of cancer.

Light did not answer.

- Oh my goodness, see how late it is!

Wedy said, and stood up looking in a hurry.

- I've already wasted too much time! There is something else you need to see tonight.

She said, and grabbed Light's arm to pull him forward with her.

...

They arrived at the foot of a hill Light knew very well. He suddenly stopped.

- I-I don't want to go any further, Wedy... please.

- Oh, come on boy! You have to!

She tried to drag him forward but he was opposing with all the strenght he had.

- Don't be a baby Light, come on.

- I said I don't want to!

- Oh, it's none of my decisions, ya know? _They_ had told me to take you there, and I swear, on my own grave, I'm taking you there!

- Oh, Wedy, please... couldn't you just _tell_ "them" we went there?

- What? And why the hell should I? Why should I risk to be reproached for having helped you? Do you think you really _deserve_ my help?

Wedy underlined the word "deserve" with particular emphasis.

Light didn't answer.

- Come on, boy. We both know you cannot keep on coming here every week and walk around that hill twenty times without finding the balls to climb on it...

Wedy told him, with a softer tone.

Light blushed, as if someone had just discovered his most private secret.

- Come on.

Wedy said, holding out her hand for him.

- You'll have to face the consequences of your actions, sooner or later. And besides, weren't you that sure you've always done the right thing? So what do you fear now?

- I fear... I fear that the right thing is fucking painful for me to deal with, ok?

Light burst out, for once in his lifetime being sincere.

Wedy wrapped an arm around his shoulders and push him gently forward.

- Sooner or later you'll have to face it, honey.

Light did never know why, but he let Wedy push him forward, moving a few uncertain steps towards the peak of the hill.

When they reached it, just about five feet away from it, Light froze. Wedy rolled her eyes, ready for another "come on- walk ahead- get a move" session.

Light, instead, turned himself towards her.

- May I go alone... please?

He asked.

Wedy shrugged.

- As you please.

But then added:

- Let me come with you. Then, if you want, I'll go away.

Light didn't reply and they both took the few steps that separated them from the grave. It was the first time Light had been there since... since the funeral.

- Here lay buried the man who totally deserved his death...

Wedy commented with a cynical tone. Light looked up at her.

- Oh, and, as far as I'm concerned, I think you're right Light. He would have definitely brought you to justice. Let me tell you this, given that I've know L since he was fifteen: he would likely have let you be sentenced to death.

Light didn't answer.

- Hey, that means you were right after all, honey! It was you or him, he didn't leave you any other chance!

Light didn't move his eyes from the tombstone.

- I'd... rather be alone now Wedy, please.

He whispered. Wedy did not answer but moved a few steps away from him.

When Light knew that she was far enough, he sat down on the snowy ground, just next to the tombstone. He leaned forward and rested his head on it. He moved his shaky arm so that he was kind of hugging the grave.

- Hi my panda...

He whispered, in a very small voice ,to be sure that Wedy couldn't hear him.

Rather useless care, given that she could probably hear his thoughts.

Anyway, he started slowly rubbing his fingers on the marble board.

He looked around him and he saw many graves, so many graves, each one coverd with a thick layer of white snow.

And it started snowing in that very moment, soft flakes falling on the tip of Light's nose. Not that he could feel their coldness.

- What have I done my love, whate have I done?

He asked the lifeless object.

- Tell me what am I supposed to do now my panda, tell me please...

He begged, his voice broken with weeping.

- Light?

Wedy's voice came as if it were miles away.

- Our time is almost over...

Light closed his eyes. Many things had been said that night, and much more things had been thought, but one thing Light knew for certain: he was just a boy, with a power which was stronger than him.

And he just didn't know now... what was the right thing to do, what had been the right thing to do... And he was just so tired of this life...

- Time is come for us to come back, Yagami boy... but your journey is not finished... yet. Come on. Come with me.

Light let her take him away from L's grave, tired and pale and blank.

And then there was no more snow around him, and no more graves, but only the dark coziness of his own room.

...

- It's time to say farewell, little boy.

Wedy told him. He nodded.

- Are you sure you... you cannot stay?

Wedy smiled but shook her head.

- I can't Light... I belong to a world that is not yours...

Light nodded again.

- There will be one more spirit to haunt you, Light...

He didn't seem to be hearing her no more.

- Come on cherry blossom, climb on your bed.

He did as he was told, his face expressionless.

- Goodbye Light...

She said, with misty eyes.

- And, please, before I go...

She added.

- I just want you to know that... if I had a second chance... I would... I wouldn't make the same mistakes again...

Light nodded, and watched her as she became surrounded by a greater light, and then a pretty little girl seemed to appear from the light next to her.

- Who is she...?

Light asked, puzzled.

- Oh, she is Men's daughter, Light.

- What...?

- She is Proud, young boy... beautiful and attactive at first, but hideous and creepy at the end...

And then she turned herself for the last time, and the little girl turned with her, so that Light could see her back... and it was all slaughtered and bloody and there were worms in it...

The last thing that Light heard was Wedy's laugh, Wedy's cheerful, limpid laugh...

If you should happen, by any unlikely chance, to know a woman more cheerful in her laugh than Wedy, all I can say is, I should like to know her too. Introduce her to me, and I'll cultivate her acquaintance!

But Light was alone again, alone in his bed, alone in the world, no friendly laughs to cheer him up anymore.

He lay down on the bed and wrapped himself in the blanket.

He would have liked to have a friend, someone, anyone to talk to.

But he had no friends: he had had only one true friend in his life and he had... he had killed him.

Because that was, above all, what Light missed more about L: not his body or his touch or the sex, even though it had been the only enjoyable one he had ever had in his life.

But he missed _talking_ to L, even if it meant arguing. He missed the knowledge that he was there, that he existed.

He missed it so much more than you could miss oxygen if you stopped breathing for a couple of minutes.

He missed it more every day, and fuck off the ones who said that time erases everything.

Time only makes it all so fucking harder.

...

_A/N: Chapter 4 will be published tomorrow!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N:_

_Hi every one! Really SORRY it took so long to update this, but I... ehm... I just forgot about this story, I had it all already written down but I forgot to post the last two chapters... But now it came to my mind since it's christmas, and given that this is a christmas carol, what better time of the year to complete it? _

_Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone who had read the story, and everyone who will ever read it: you know it's always sort of unbelievable that someone is really willing to waste his time reading my stories, but... hey, every review is always appreciated: even if it's bad or if it's just to say "nice story, but nothing special"- if you write too, you'll know, a author is always eager to know if anyone read her stories and what had they thought about em!_

_Last warnings for you... even though I'm totally, definitely joyful today, the story isn't, so... if you're in the mood for something that cheers you up... I know I'm not helping my cause but, maybe you'd better come back here another time!_

_Oh, and one last thing, given that I've been such a bad author making you all wait (for a story I had actually already written -_- ), I will had an extra chapter in the end. I don't know what will it be, maybe a L/Light scene. Ok, 100% a L/Light scene. I don't know which kind of scene, I'll see what strikes my imagination. I'll add all the warnings & ratings & evrything on the beginning of the chapter, it depends on how it'll turn out to be. _

_Now let's go on with the story and hey, happy Xmas to all of you guys! ^-^_

_

* * *

_

- Ah... ah...

A few soft moans broke the silence of the night. A heavy panting noise slowly filled the dark room. The panting sped up his rythme, until it was frantic. Then all the muscles in Light's body seemed to tighten, and suddenly Light awoke, barely conscious of where the hell he was.

He felt a familiar, intense, pleasant twitching in his lower adbomen, a kind of tingling in his limbs while he curled his fingers, and finally a deep sensation of releasing in his own hand.

He lay there motionless, his breaths slowly becoming steady. Though he couldn't describe himself as happy, he unwillingly felt quite content now. But it was only a mischievous trick from his body: only endorphines running through his veins, creating a deceitful illusion of pleasure and bliss... a bliss which was, however, bound to disappear very soon.

After about a minute, Light realized that he still had his middle and index fingers inside of him, and he slowly, unwillingly pulled them out. He hissed while they popped out, feeling a bit sore and a bit empty. He had always hated the sensation of something being pulled out of him.

He closed his eyes, trying to focus on something that wasn't the familiar burning sensation in his hyper-sensitized hole.

While the unpleasant feeling slowly faded away, Light heard a noise coming from somewhere near him.

He got up immediately, expecting to find a third spirit haunting him.

Instead, there was a woman sitting on his desk.

Light startled and blushed.

The woman looked back at him without a word.

She was a blonde woman, all dressed in black: black blouse, black skirt, black tights, black everything, black concealing almost every part of her but her pale hands and face.

For this, it would have been difficult to detach her figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness by which it was surrounded.

Light oddly felt as if he had already seen the woman before, yet he couldn't remember exactly where. But again, maybe it was only because he used to know the last two ghost that had haunted him, and thus he was expecting the third ghost to be a familiar face, too.

The ghost did not move, and Light felt the atmosphere thickening with mistery and tension by the minute.

Not that this ghost was weird as the other ones were. Actually, she didn't even look like a ghost. She seemed just so... _real_.

Light saw a puff of smoke surrounding the "spirit", and only then he noticed that she was holding a cigarette.

_How long had ghosts been smoking?_

But still no words of explaination came from the woman.

Light had a feeling that this spirit definitley couldn't read his mind.

- May I assume that you are the ghost of Christmas future?

He asked.

No answers, the ghost just took the last drag of her cigarette and breathed out quickly, then tossed the cigarette somewhere.

- I should be the one ghost you fear most, Light.

She just said and, ironically, Light thought that that wasn't true.

He dreaded past as it was gone and he missed it, he hated present because it wasn't like past anymore and he couldn't stand it.

But he rarely cared about the future.

- Where are you taking me?

He eventually asked.

She, as usual, did not answer, but got up and headed for the door.

- It's gonna be cold outside young man, put a coat on.

Light moved automatically, not even really thinking about the oddity of his present situation. He had had just enough weirdness that night to prevent him form being surprised anymore.

He grabbed the first coat he found in his wardrobe, and was about to put it on when he stopped, freezing with the sleeve half-way on his arm.

He could feel the spirit's questioning look on him, but he just couldn't wear _that_ coat.

He quickly put it back in the wardrobe and grabbed another one.

- What was that for?

The spirit asked when Light had finally put on a dark blue coat.

Light glared at the woman but she just glared back at him.

- I'd suggest that you're honest with me, Light. After all, I'm your last chance...

Light breathed out uncomfortably.

- ...so?

The spirit prodded him.

- So, that coat reminds me of... of a girl. I can't wear it.

- Mmmh, a girl? I didn't think you were into that sort of things.

Light fought against the blush coming on his cheeks.

- You don't know anything about her, so just... let it go.

Light snapped, trying to hide the heavy sense of guilt which was overwhelming him.

- Now, if you don't mind, couldn't we just go?

He added, walking past the spirit, towards the door.

_That coat was the one he was wearing the day he met Naomi Misora. The day he killed Naomi Misora..._

- I may not be able to read your mind young man, but I can still recognize remorse when I see it,

The woman said.

- And judging from how bad you manage to conceal it, I can assume that you're not used to this kind of feelings...

She added, walking past a stunned Light.

- Come on now, we have a lot of things to show you, Light Yagami!

And Light simply followed the woman in black, not able to answer back anymore, put off by everything was happening to him...

…..

The two found themselves in a snowy alley, but differently from the last time, the snow actually felt as _snow_ now, cold and everything.

Light shivered in his coat.

- Where are you taking me?

He asked the woman- he refused to call her a spirit, cause she had nothing of a spirit.

She didn't answer.

- And who are you in first place?

Light didn't give in easily.

- Have I ever met you before?

The woman was incredibly silent, only walked fast leaving small footprints on the white ground.

- You're not going to answer me, aren't you?

Light finally asked, more to himself than to the woman, surrendered.

Only then the woman smiled slightly, knowingly.

- I must do my work Light and it's not an easy work, and it wouldn't be easier if I sympathized with you.

She only said.

Light felt a lump in his throat.

- Anyway, I'm not saying that you don't deserve what the Fate has in store for you: you have built your own misfortune dear boy, step by step... and now you deserve your Fate for this, Every. Single. Bit.

Light shivered, his breaths becoming uneven.

But still he couldn't say he was too worried for the woman's words: was it because she didn't look so unearthly and high and mighty as the other spirits did, or because she didn't force him to face his past deeds as much as Naomi and Wedy did, or because he just couldn't fear the future so much, because what kind of adversities might he ever go through that were wrost than the ones he had already experienced?

Light did not know.

...

They arrived at an apparently empty house. Light immediately recognized it.

- Why here?

He asked.

- Let's get inside.

They approached the door, and Light stopped.

- My mother always lock the door, we can't get...

But the spirit simply turned the handle and got in.

Now, that was weird.

The house was cold and it looked as if no one had taken care of it for months.

- This... this can't be. My mum would never neglect the house like this...

The first thing that came to Light's mind when he thought at his mother, it was order, neatness, and a good cup of tea.

That... that mess couldn't be his home.

- Where's my mum?

Light asked, suddenly just a bit worried, and regretting he didn'y say "mother".

- She's upstairs.

The woman in black said.

Suddenly Light released a breath he didn't even realized he was holding.

Not that he had never cared much about that silly woman, you know.

No, he could say that this had been maybe the first time in his life that he had cared about his mother, and wished she was fine.

It was weird, illogical, uncontrollable: but when you fear something is being taken away from you, you suddenly realize how fucking MUCH you need it, even if you haven't really been aware of it before.

He took another quick look around the house and could definitely tell that something bad was happening.

But he feared to asked what.

He had the feeling that if he hadn't asked anything, the spirit- no, the _woman_- would never have told him anything, and they would have simply got out and everything would have come back to normal.

He wandered across his living room, nervously waiting for the spirit to say something.

- What's the problem, Light?

She asked, eventually.

- Mmh. Nothing.

He answered casually.

- What? Are you worried for your family?

- No!

Light snapped.

- I mean, no... not that I ever cared about them.

He stated, and that was true.

Only he did care, now. He simply did not know why.

- Well, good then.

The woman shrugged.

Light knew he was supposed to asked "Why good then?" but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The woman kept poking around the house, apparently not going to tell him anything.

_Just let them be ok. _

Light thought. Prayed.

_I don't give a shit if they all die in painful ways, those idiots. _

_Just... let it not happen. _

_Please._

- You know Light, you look kind of tense for one that doesn't care about his family.

The woman's voice interrupted his thoughts.

Light shrugged.

He had lost L already, it didn't matter what else could ever happen to him. Really.

But he still wanted to know that his family was alright.

_God_ if he wanted to know that those useless pathetic fools were alright.

Then he spotted a picture of Sayu on a cupboard. Next, there was a picture of his dad.

You know, nothing strange about it.

Why was having pictures of our own family in the living room strange?

Light couldn't tell, but it was the way those pictures were arranged maybe.

Not pictures of them all togheter, as Light's mother used to like, but single pictures of Sayu and Soichiro, alone.

It looked creepy to Light but then again that was just an illogical feeling.

- Poor thing, she was such a live wire.

The woman stated.

Light shook his head and felt his heart sped his up his pace.

- What the hell do you want from me, uh?

- Were you that rude with the other spirits too or it's just me?

- Oh shit, you're not... you're not even a spirit! Get away form me, get away from my family, just get away...

- Do you really want me to get away, Light? Do you?

Light was about to burst into tears, but years of thorough practice in hiding his feelings weren't going to just disappear that easily.

- Light? I thought you wanted a second chance to see your _panda_, Light, and you know I-

- What the fuck? How do you know...

- Ahah my poor thing I'm still a ghost, aren't I? I can _see_ things...

She smiled smugly.

- Even pet names you used to-

- It's not a "pet name", it... it was meant to be a tease, I mean, for...

- Well if you want your second chance Light, you must listen to me! You must go through ALL of this until you sincerely regret your past behaviour...

And God knew if Light didn't regret it all already...

- You must face the consequences of your actions Light...

The woman- or the spirit, as it please you- went on.

This actually made sense in a tiny little bit of Light's mind, but still he wished he would have been spared.

- Always self-centred Light, aren't we? Always think that there will be an easy way out... but let me tell you something, not this time Light... you won't have any easy way out this time!

Then she stopped and bit her lower lip.

- Come on, sit down.

She said, in a sort of softer tone.

Light's legs obeyed, not able to carry his own weight anymore.

- Aren't you going to ask me, are you?

Light took a deep breath.

- W-why... why did you say "she was"...

- Because Sayu's dead, Light.

It was non-sense to Light, it just couldn't be.

- That's just a dream, that's it. A _nightmare._

He stated.

- No, that's not. Unfortunately. That's all real. Wouldn't you like to know how did she die?

Light didn't answer but the spirit spoke anyway.

- It's your fault, Light.

- No.

- Yes.

- No! No, I wouldn't... never, I wouldn't.

- You did.

- I said I didn't!

- She had been kidnapped and they asked the Death Note in exchange for her.

- No.

- You let her die, rather then sacrifice your precious little notebook.

- It's NOT my precious little notebook!

Light snapped back.

- Thanks to that "precious little notbook" the world is a fucking better place now, thanks to _me_...

- Oh, thank you our saviour, you really did make the world a better place...

- A place without crime, a place without murderes, pedophiles-

- A place without raven haired detectives...

- FUCK! He never... he never wanted, never even _tried _to understand me! Never even tried...

Light held his head in his hands.

- Well now you should be glad he's dead, shouldn't you?

- NO!

Light cried.

- No, shit... shit! I'm not, NOT glad, I'm desperate, I'm... shit, I'm...

Light run his hand through his hair and couldn't hold back a sob.

- I'm not glad, ok? I just did what I _thought _was the right thing to do... it was my mission, my only task in this life, can you understand this? I wanted to make the world a better, a safer place so much... a safer place for my sister to grow up in... I _felt_ that a unique gift had been bestowed upon me, a unique power... the power to change things, once and for all... I believed in this... in this dream, I thought I had to sacrifice everything, anything in order to achieve this. Because if I didn't do it, who would ever? And then he came... and he... he just never, never ever EVER tried to understand my point of view, he just thought "Kira equals evil", I knew he did... he didn't love me...

_But who am I kidding, no one has ever understood as much as he did..._

The woman didn't dare to interrupt Light's confession. The boy was clearly releasing emotions that he had been holding back for a long time.

- He didn't love _me_: I know, he just wanted to catch Kira. That was his task, his first thought when he woke up in the morning and the last onewhen he finally fell asleeep. I know it. He would have sacrifice all we had for his ideal of justice... why shouldn't I do the same?

Light asked, with a bitter tone.

- Well, you did it. Are you proud of what you've done?

Light shook his head, overwhelming emotions running through his mind making him unable to think straight.

- No, I'm not. I AM NOT, ok? That's what you want to hear? I'm not proud of what I've done, if I could come back I wouldn't... I wouldn't...

- You wouldn't?

- I wouldn't kill him... I wouldn't.

Light whispered, spent as if the effort to say this was consuming all of his mental forces.

- Now would you please... please, _please_, please let go of me and lemme... come back... please... I told you I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I've done, please just let this all end, I've learned my lesson... God, I swear I've learned it...

The spirit smiled knowingly, a sad smile.

- I'm sorry Light, I have no such a power. My task is only showing you the future you are building for yourself and for your family. But...

- But?

- But maybe not me, but The One Who Sends Me... maybe He...

- He... he might...

- It's not my decision, but I think that if we have been sent to you... there must be a reason, mustn't it?

- Yes, yes... I mean, why showing me all of this if I'm past all hopes? Right?

The spirit shurgged.

- I think so...

Light had never wanted to cry so much as he did now. But still he managed to hold it back.

- Oh and, Light?

- Mmhm?

- Your father's dead, too.

Light closed his eyes, thanks God that was all too unreal and absurd to affect him any more.

- My fault, I guess?

- Of course, you guessed right.

Light shook his head.

- This... no, this doesn't make any sense, this can't be happening to me.

- Well, it is.

The spirit said, in a kind of matter-of-fact tone.

- Where's my mum? I must talk to her.

- I told you already, she's upstairs.

Light got up and reached the stairs without uttering a word.

- Mum... mum?

He asked- almost shouted- while running up the stairs three steps at a time.

- Mum?

But he didn't get any answer.

He reached his parents' bedroom and slammed the door open.

He entered a barely lit room and caught sight of a figure lying under the blankets.

- Mum...

He approached the figure, without noticing that the woman in black had followed him and now was standing at the door frame.

- Mum...

He bent closer to her and gently shook her, his hand placed on her shoulder.

- Come on, mum...

And then he turned her, and found himself staring at her wide open eyes: two blank, lifeless eyes.

The sight was almost too much to take, and even though he knew this must be just a nightmare, well it was a _hell_ of a nightmare...

- M-mum... no...

- Sorry, Light.

He turned to see the spirit.

- You know, it was all just too much for her. First Sayu, Soichiro, and then...

And she trailed off.

- She swallowed a good amount of pills, and got it over with.

Light was trembling.

- She didn't suffer.

The spirit shrugged.

_Of course, why should she care about it?_

Light couldn't tear his gaze away from his mother.

It had to be a nightmare. It had to. But it was so real...

- Well, now it's high time to go, Light Yagami.

Light turned again towards the woman in black, without a word.

- There is one last thing you have to see, before this night is over.

Light knew he was trembling like a lost kitten and he hated every second of it, but he was never so close to dying from heart attack than he was now, feeling like his frail body couldn't handle all of these feelings.

He let the spirit lead him down the stairs, wondering how long could he go on without blinking nor taking a real breath, because now it was a few minutes since he last did both and he didn't feel the need to do any.

He felt like he was somehow lighter, as if he was walking on the moon where there was less gravity pulling him to the ground.

But not in a good way.

The spirit led him outside, under a thick snow.

They couldn't just materialize at the place they must visit, they really had to walk all the way.

Without speaking, without letting his tears flow freely, without making the snow any less cold on his head.

Light wondered if this spirit really couldn't apparate as the others could, or if this was just a part of tis punishment.

He had a felling that the second one was more correct.

He had tried to tell himself that he deserved all of this, but he was tired, exhausted now, he would have liked to fall asleep and sleep for ages.

….

Finally, they arrived at a cemetery.

_Of course,_ Light thought, _where else could I ever end this journey, if not at a cemetery?_

He unwillingly let the spirit lead him inside, hoping that his legs wouldn't have failed.

Anyway, he had seen the wrost he could ever possibly see in a cemetery: L's grave.

Now, he didn't fear anything anymore.

What do they say? "If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger".

Though Light had a feeling that that was more likely going to kill him than to make him any stronger.

Actually, he felt weaker and weaker by the minute.

- Why here?

He finally asked, his voice was scattered.

- This is the last stage of our journey. The last stage of _your_ journey.

Light closed his eyes, as if when he had reopened them, all the bad things would have disappeared. So typical of him.

- You know, Light Yagami,

The spirit was speaking, but Light was barely listening.

- You spent your whole life playing God with the life and death of the other people. Now it's your turn to be the helpless pawn in a merciless God's hands.

Light did not answer.

- What is it, Light? Can't you remeber all the people you've killed, with a smile on your face?

No answer.

- Oh, I'm sure you can. Did you take pity on them? No, you didn't. Why do you think someone should take pity on you?

No answer.

- They... they were criminals, They deserved to die.

He managed to mutter.

- Aha. So you never killed an innocent?

No answers.

- You did. You are a criminal, a murderer exactly as the ones you passed judgement on. You showed no pity: thus no pity will be showed on you.

Light shuddered.

- Open your eyes, Light Yagami.

-I'm sorry.

- Oh, poor thing is sorry!

- I'm sorry for the innocent people I killed, I swear, I really am.

- Being sorry is not enough anymore, boy, it's late now for being sorry! Do you think being sorry will change anything? Do you think being sorry will bring the ones you undeservedly killed back to life?

- N-no...

The spirit snorted.

- Open your eyes. Come on, you must do it.

Light unwillingly opened his eyes, a small part of him still hoping that if he would have done all that the spirit asked for and felt really sorry for his mistakes, he would have been forgiven in the end. He would be granted a second chance.

In front of him there was a grave stone.

He didn't need to look twice to see the name carved on it.

_Light Yagami_

He had expected it.

- That is, your grave Light. This is where it all ends. Don't you wanna know how do you die?

Silence.

- Well you'll hear it anyway. Ryuk did,

And Light felt a stabbing pain in his chest, he had always known that that disloyal useless prick never gave a shit about him.

- He didn't want to be stuck with you during your imprisonment. Ops, did I mention that? Near _totally_ powned you, Light.

The spirit said, barely conclealing a smugness in her tone.

_Near_... that is when he had seen the woman already, with Near...

- Light... Light?

The woman's voice snapped him back to reality. If _that_ could be called reality, of course.

- Well, this is your sad premature demise, Light Yagami. Mmh, a life anyone would be really proud of.

She teased him.

- But... this... I mean, this is not... bound to be, isn't it? I mean. This is just how it _may_ be, if I don't change... I mean that's the sense of it all, isn't it?

- I guess so... I told you, the ultimate decision is not mine to take.

Light took a deep breath.

- Tell me what do I have to say. Please. What do I have to say to make this change and to come back to L again. Please.

It was hard for him to say this and every word was a painful wound in his pride, but screw everything, if this was his only chance to see L again he would have fallen on his knees and begged if it was necessary...

He was hating himslef for it, but he couldn't do any different.

- Do I have to say I'm sorry? Cause I've said it already, and I meant it. I'm sorry for Naomi, sorry for Wedy, sorry for... for him, for everyone.

- Are you aware of the gross mistakes you did, are you?

Light swallowed back the last shred of his pride,

_- Yes_, I am.

Then, trying to sound more convinced, which he actually was, he repeated:

- I am.

He wiped a single tears away from his eye.

- Please, spirit. Please. I know...

A lump in his throat prevent him from going any further.

- I know I'm asking much, ok? I know it. I don't mean to say that I think I deserve it but please, _please _give me a second chance. I won't waste it, I promise... I don't know why-

He swallowed hard and gathered the courage to keep on speaking.

- I don't know why anyone should show mercy on me, but please... please show me the mercy I know I didn't show the others. If I just could come b-back... God I swear I... I've learned my lesson, I swear...

Now he was clearly crying and he had to stop to wipe a few more tears away from his eyes.

- I mean, I've been stuck in there with _Misa_... for... years, and I... I didn't had a night, a day, a second without L's face in front of me, and I... I knew I had made the biggest mistake in my life the second after I made it but it was too late then... and I... I prayed, I begged even- cause I know I did!- I begged so many nights any deity I knew to just make me come back and fix things... and I...

He hid his face in his hands.

- Please, please, not even I could deserve this... Please I don't deserve all of this... I swear, I AM SORRY...

The begging in Light's every single word was enough to affect anyone.

- I'm sorry Light, I have no such a power... but... if there is anyone listening to us now who has it... after all, I've been sent there for a reason. Now, let's just get back to your home and try to get some sleep... I'm sure that when you get up tomorrow, things will be different...

She said.

Light was frozen in his place. And then, something weird happened.

A halo of light started to radiate from the spirit, and her look underwent a change.

Now, she really looked like a real Spirit.

- Light Yagami. I am the third of the three Spirits that has haunted you tonight, and my time is nearly gone.

She said, her voice was different.

- You have behaved yourself tonight, and you have visited all the places you had to visit. Now, it's up to you not to waste the second chance that will be bestowed upon you: and mind you! This is going to be the last one...

Every single atom in Light's body was screaming "Yes, yes, yes please gimme a second chance,oh-my-God-I-have-wanted-it-so-badly".

- Now, when you wake up tomorrow, things will be different. And, Light? Don't mess it all up this time... got it?

_Got it, got it, I swear I got it..._

- Good luck, Yagami boy...

The spirit whispered in her newly found unearthly voice, and Light didn't have the time to throw his arms around her, because the spirit, quick as it had come, disappeared.

Her black clothes fell down on the floor in a shapeless bundle, the only things remaining of her.

Light closed his eyes and gather his hands as if to pray, mentally thanking any deity for his Fate to be reversed, and really felt a bit of happiness and hope for the first time since...

And then, he woke up.

Sudden as a finger snap, he found himself shaking in a bed, only dark sorrounding him.


	5. Epilogue

_A/N: as usual the site is cutting off the beginning of the links, but you'll see a link at the end of the chapter which is a youtube video. The song is "My immortal" by Evanescence: I just like it a lot and if you want to, you may listen to it while reading. The lyrics are at the end of the chapter. _

_Good night guys: good night because it's four in the morning now in Italy, December 26th 2010 (so it's not really xmas day anymore), and I'm going to bed now, wish you all a good night, and a happy 2011. Bye sweethearts... and I promise, tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up I'll write the extra chapter I promised you: I'm gonna dream it all tonight and then write it down tomorrow!_

* * *

_"Dreams are more often reflections of how we'd want reality to be, rather than how it actually is"_

Sigmund Freud

* * *

_Dark. _

_Only dark surrounding him._

Light's forehead was covered with sweat, his whole body shaking frantically. He blinked a few times trying to get his eyes used to the darkness around him.

He used to shut the window and the door when he slept, so that the room was completely dark. This, alone, should have been the first hint to him.

L never let him shut the window; he wanted to see at least a glimmer of moonlight.

Light got up, better yet he jumped up the bed, willing to seize this opportunity before it slipped away from him.

He was convinced he was being given a second chance in life.

He reached the door in just two long strides, and slammed it open.

As soon as his eyes got used to the bright light which had suddenly flooded the room, the sight of the objects and furniture around him started slowly taking him to understanding.

Slowly and painfully Light came to realize that he wasn't in the hotel room he shared with L- where he had foolishly hoped he would have woken up.

There he was: in his own apartment. With Misa.

There they was, every one: his brand new laptop, his glasses he had just recently started to wear, his favourite pen... his Death Note.

That small black _damned_ notebook. He should have read the warnings more carefully, he should have indeed.

_The human who uses the Death Note can neither go to heaven or hell. _

So that was... though it seemed to Light that he was experiencing his own personal form of hell here, on earth.

They say that the human who writes on the Death Note is bound to suffer. Is it some form of punishment for those who claims themselves the right to act as a God?

Well, Light had been punished. He knew now very well that he had been punished, in the most subtle and hurtful way the Fate could ever have figured out.

_He_ himself had forged his own punishment. He had built up his own hell.

- Liiiight! Merry Christmas, honey!

Misa's screeching voice snapped him back to reality. His reality that now seemed much more of a nightmare to him than any nightmare he could ever have.

Light didn't even bother to answer. His annoying girlfriend was looking for something, a present probably, under the faintest imitation of a christmas tree she had decorated.

She handed him her present with a satisfied grin on her face. It makes her look rather stupid actually, or well, more stupid than usual.

_Light's blank face never changes_, she thought. _No matter how hard I try to please him, the more I try, the more he gets annoyed at me. _

She kept smiling though.

- Since when are we celebrating Christmas, Misa? We are not Christians.

He managed to say, nothing suggested that he was living a hell inside, his annoyed voice was as blank as usual.

Misa's smile disappeared, replaced by a thoughtful expression.

- Oh, you're right...

She agreed, but then she smiled happily again.

- Well, it's just _such_ a nice holiday, why shouldn't we celebrate it?

Light snorted and put-tossed- Misa's present on the table, without bothering to open it.

- Where the hell's the phone?

He mumbled towards himself, tossing the couch cushions on the floor. Misa grabbed something from the table.

- It's here, sweetheart...

She tried to fake a smile while handing his boyfriend the phone.

- Thanks.

He muttered, then headed back to their shared bedroom and closed the door, shutting Misa, her present, the fucking tree, the whole damn world outside.

He sat on the bed and looked at his phone thoughtfully.

There was no one he could call, really.

He had no friends.

But there was one person he really wanted to hear now, as much as he hated admitting it.

He dialed a number. _Beep, beep, beep..._

- Hello?

A familiar voice answered.

- Hi... hi mum, tha-that's me. Light.

He let out a deep breath when he heard his mother's voice.

- Oh, honey! It's so good to hear ya! How're you doing?

- F-fine, mum, I just-

- Sure honey everything's fine? You sound worried...

- No mum, I'm fine... I told you. And you... are you fine, aren't you?

- Yes, yes honey, I'm fine...

- And how's everybody? How's Sayu, how's dad?

- W-well, they're all fine sweetheart, but why are you asking me that? Is something wrong?

- No, no, nothing's wrong. Nevermind.

- Ok... so, why did you call, honey?

- Uhm... nothing actually. I just... I thought we could... go out. For lunch, today. Could you?

- Oh... oh Light, I'm so sorry, but I'm taking Sayu to Chiba to shop today... remember I've told you that?

- Uhm... yes, yeah, I do... you're going to buy a dress for Anzu's birthday, aren't you?

- Yes honey, that's it...

- Oh, yeah... yeah I remeber you told me 'bout that. Anyway, I could... I could join you if you don't mind...

- Oh, honey, we're on the train already! But I'd be so glad if you and Misa came for lunch tomorrow... dad will be there, too...

- Oh no, thanks mum, but no... i'm sorry, we're... we're busy tomorrow, nevermind...

- Oh... I'm sorry honey...

- It doesn't matter, really...

- You call me so seldom, and today I really just can't...

- It's okay mum... so, see ya... sometimes, ok?

- Ok, sweetie...

- Bye mum.

- Oh Light, I'm so sorry 'bout that...

- I told you it's okay! Bye,

- Bye love...

_Beep, beep, beep..._

Light took a deep breath and lay with his back on the bed. He though about someone, anyone to call but he found none.

His gaze wandered across the room, finally lingering on the clock on the nightstand. It was half past ten am, December 25, 2008.

It had been all just a dream... _another_ dream.

It was too late now... too late. L was gone. There were no ghosts, no Gods, no deities who could change that.

No second chances.

He dressed up quickly, throwing on the first things he found in his wardrobe, and then got out.

.com/watch?v=jGKRXhmFQlw&feature=related

- Light... honey, where are you going?

Misa's voice came as if it was distant, as if there was an invisible glass screen that separated Light from the surrounding world.

He got out in the winter frosty air, sinking his chin under his scarf to protect himself from the icy wind.

A thin layer of sheer white snow covered everything.

Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Japan. It was falling on the highest buildings, on the once flowering gardens, falling softly upon the Todai and, farther westward, softly falling into the quite water of the Sumida river.

It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely cemetery on the hill where L lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the flowerless cherry trees, on the modern granite grave stones, on the little steel gate, on the geometrical arranged paths which winded their way through the burial ground. Paths that Light knew oh-so-damn well...

Light's soul swooned slowly and a little drop of _something_ spilled from the corner of his eye- but it was not a tear, it wasn't! He wouldn't have cried...

Light squeezed his eyes, screaming and screaming in his mind, _I'm sorry, oh God I'm so sorry... why can't I have a second chance? Oh please God take pity on me please, even if I don't deserve it, please just let me have a second chance..._

But he knew no one was listening to him.

His soul swooned slowly and one single salty tear reached the corner of his mouth, as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living, and the dead...

the end

...

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have... all of me...__And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have... all of me..._

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase..._

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have... all of me..._

_You used to captivate me, by your resonating light_  
_Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind_  
_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_  
_Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me..._

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase..._

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have... all of me..._

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_  
_But though, you're still with me, I've been alone all along_

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have... all of me..._

_____

* * *

_

A/N:

Ok, I just wanted to write it somewhere: I hate myself for not giving it a happy ending, but I hated Light so much when I first saw DN- I hated him definitely too much to be considered sane given that he's a fictional character- that I can't help but trying to punish him in my stories, because you know, he totally deserves it! Doesn't matter how sorry you are, when you make a big mistake in your life you have no second chances, but in your dreams...

Oh, and I just realized nobody's probably going to see this note unless they read the all lyrics till the end. Mpfh, who cares. Bye guys, let me know what you think about this!

_____(LAST note, the third ghost is meant to be Halle: I liked the idea of giving a role at the [few] interesting female characters in DN... so I chose Naomi, Wedy and Halle to be the three ghosts)_


End file.
